I think I'd better close up this blog

Sorry blog. I've been neglecting you. So after many weeks of reflection, I figure that I had some terrible luck on the day. I was sick, nervous so I made errors. Had I been less nervous and sick, I think my performance would have been far better.

Do I have a problem accepting criticism? I'm analyse that one later.

Perhaps I should shut down this blog. Its not particularly active...

Does anyone read this shit?

Its quite a bit better this week..

I still don't want to talk about it.

It feels like getting dumped

I've heard people say that if you're in a relationship, it takes approximately 1/6th of the time in the relationship to get over it. So, that means I've got 2 months of this bullshit and I've done 6 days. I must look pretty unhappy at work.

I punched the tiles in the shower last night. Nothing broken.

Day 4

Still feels like a bomb blew up inside me. Yesterday i was cooking in my own frustration. I was waiting for someone to make a comment about me so I could blow up at them to release my anger.

i;m in still a fairly bad mood and i can't think straight at work. Luckily my registrar is very understanding and keeps her distance. I'm quite lucky to have a boss like her. Don't worry the patients aren't suffering because of me. They have leukaemia.

Still. Watch out world. There's a grieving soul wandering about.

Coming back down to earth

How long am I gong to feel like this?

Rage, sad, anger.

I'm glad at this time i have many friends indeed.

Thanks (you know who you are)

Disappointment

I couldn't bear to look. I didn't want to get out of bed that day. I didn't want to awake to hear the results.

I spent the day at work fretting. Couldn't focus on the work at hand. I intermittently switched my phone on and off. I wanted to know the results, but the suspense was awful. Knowing that the results could be the worst.

Eighteen months of consistent work had come to this moment. Moving to a new city and taking on some of the most difficult exams in post-graduate medicine - well, its a hell of a ride. For myself, and my partner, its been an incredibly stressful period.

I said goodbye to a few friends before embarking on this project 12 months ago. Working fulltime and studying, I figured, wouldn't lend much time to distraction. Friends who even live in the same neighbourhood become foreign to me as I spent countless hours at the hospital, or in front of the computer screen reading and writing. Numerous invitations for live music, drinks at bars, films - all past-times of mine, rejected for the greater good.

I pressed the power button on my phone. One message from my supervisor "sorry, you weren't successful. Call me if you want to talk about it". I just sat there, slumped against the pillar in the haematology day ward corridor. My world just shattered.